Saturday, January 25, 2003Orientation in Hell I wrote this November 5, 2002, after the Predator missle attack on the terrs in Yeman.Please, please, everyone take your seats. We've got a lot of material to cover. If you have questions, just raise your hand.
First, this is your official orientation to Hell. On behalf of Satan, and all his minions, I would like to welcome you�. Yes, folks, let's have a round of applause for Abu Ali, one of our latest arrivals, the famed terrorist.
What's that? Mr. Ali, yes, you are in Hell. No sir, there is no mistake. God doesn't make those, you might recall. Only we are imperfect, he, he, he. Just a little devilish humor there.
Now, this orientation session is conducted as a traditional American jury pool. You will remain here until called to a more active part of Hell� Yes, Mr. Ali?
Well, sir, we in Administration find a certain justice in orienting Islamic terrorists in an American jury pool. We like to think that justice is what it's all about.
Virgins? No, none here that I can see. Oh, wait, yes, over in the left corner there are several, but, well� I'm afraid they won't being serving you and your friends. They don't seem to like men, and sexual preference is respected here in Hell. Rather like Massachusetts, he, he, he.
Now, first we will be showing you a video on the purpose of Hell, and your place in it. Hell has a long tradition, and we expect that every evil�
Yes, Mr. Ali, what is it now?
Ummmm, our records show that you and your friends were killed by the CIA, on the way to murder the United States ambassador to Yemen. Good plan, by the way, sorry you didn't get the chance to pull it off. Yes, the CIA. I understand completely. God does work in mysterious ways� he, he, he.
Usama? Hmmmm, don't recall the name. Oh, wait, yes, now I remember. He's in reconstruction. He was killed by bunker busters in Tora Bora, and basically turned into protein paste. It takes a while to reconstitute the body in cases like that.
Oh, he'll be along. But not orienting here. I believe his orientation is scheduled for the airliner. You know, the one with the fat passengers and crying children and liquor. Justice, you know, justice.
Now, if you will sit down, we can continue. Yes, after the video, there is a little paperwork to fill out. Each of you has �
Mr. Ali, we won't ever get anything done if you keep interrupting. Martyr, martyr? Why, Mr. Ali, didn't you read the rules for martyrdom? You have to be an innocent to be a martyr. You're just a sad, pathetic excuse for a dead person. Now sit down and shut up. Don't make me have to go all Dubbya on you! -- posted by Chuck at Saturday, January 25, 2003 | E-mail | Permalink | Main |
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